SEX TRIP 1: Sex(t)y Million
I never thought making babies would be so difficult. You stick it in, you stick it out and ta-daaa! out comes the bebe nine months later. Simple, no? Well, not quite.
Five years ago, my wife and I had been married for three years already but without success in the baby department. We were getting impatient. Something must be wrong somewhere so we decided to consult a doctor.
(PLUG: Any of you here knows Dr. Sinco at Cebu Doc? See her if you want a baby.)
Anyway, she prescribed tests for both of us. My wife had hormonal imbalance, she proclaimed, and made her take little red pills. For my part, I had to have a sperm count! Aaaargh!!! Makaulaw!
So I set an appointment at Gillamac’s Clinic across Cebu Doc. I asked the nurse on the phone if I can just, er… you know, release the sperm at home and bring it to the clinic. After all, Happy Valley was just five minutes away. I was told no, the “collection” had to be done right at the clinic. Uh, OK.
The minute I entered the door, I had this crazy belief that all the people seated in the lobby were looking at me. ME! Because they knew what I was there for. Just a crazy thought.
I whispered my intentions to the nurse at the reception. Was that a smirk I saw for a fleeting second on her smug face? Hmmm. She gave me this small receptacle, similar to the black plastic tube for Kodak films, and instructed me to proceed to the toilet on the second floor.
When I climbed up the stairs, it seemed to me all the people in the lobby again followed me with their knowing eyes. They knew maglolo ko taud-taud! Aaaargh!
The toilet was none too clean, devoid of any visual stimulant, and hot as hell! But what the heck, I was there for one reason only and so I concentrated hard and worked my… er, you know what. That was one of my least pleasurable hand jobs ever but well, I was a man on a mission and determined to release those microscopic little devils into the plastic tube.
It was hard, pun not intended. Imagine, you are in the throes of an exquisite orgasm and yet you had to think about shooting that load into the little tube! With all the jerking and twisting, it was no mean feat. But I did it!
Sweaty and feeling weak in the knees, I went back to the nurse to hand over my loot. Again it seemed to me all the people in the lobby were staring and saying “We know what you did!” Ha! Inggit lang sila.
Postscript:
They counted 60 million daw! Whoa. To this day I still wonder how they are able to do that. It’s not as if you have grains to separate from the other. One sperm, two sperms, three… six… aaargh! But no matter. Upon Dr. Singco’s advice, we timed the sticking in and sticking out and came up with the little princess nine months later.
Proudly made in Cebu.
Five years ago, my wife and I had been married for three years already but without success in the baby department. We were getting impatient. Something must be wrong somewhere so we decided to consult a doctor.
(PLUG: Any of you here knows Dr. Sinco at Cebu Doc? See her if you want a baby.)
Anyway, she prescribed tests for both of us. My wife had hormonal imbalance, she proclaimed, and made her take little red pills. For my part, I had to have a sperm count! Aaaargh!!! Makaulaw!
So I set an appointment at Gillamac’s Clinic across Cebu Doc. I asked the nurse on the phone if I can just, er… you know, release the sperm at home and bring it to the clinic. After all, Happy Valley was just five minutes away. I was told no, the “collection” had to be done right at the clinic. Uh, OK.
The minute I entered the door, I had this crazy belief that all the people seated in the lobby were looking at me. ME! Because they knew what I was there for. Just a crazy thought.
I whispered my intentions to the nurse at the reception. Was that a smirk I saw for a fleeting second on her smug face? Hmmm. She gave me this small receptacle, similar to the black plastic tube for Kodak films, and instructed me to proceed to the toilet on the second floor.
When I climbed up the stairs, it seemed to me all the people in the lobby again followed me with their knowing eyes. They knew maglolo ko taud-taud! Aaaargh!
The toilet was none too clean, devoid of any visual stimulant, and hot as hell! But what the heck, I was there for one reason only and so I concentrated hard and worked my… er, you know what. That was one of my least pleasurable hand jobs ever but well, I was a man on a mission and determined to release those microscopic little devils into the plastic tube.
It was hard, pun not intended. Imagine, you are in the throes of an exquisite orgasm and yet you had to think about shooting that load into the little tube! With all the jerking and twisting, it was no mean feat. But I did it!
Sweaty and feeling weak in the knees, I went back to the nurse to hand over my loot. Again it seemed to me all the people in the lobby were staring and saying “We know what you did!” Ha! Inggit lang sila.
Postscript:
They counted 60 million daw! Whoa. To this day I still wonder how they are able to do that. It’s not as if you have grains to separate from the other. One sperm, two sperms, three… six… aaargh! But no matter. Upon Dr. Singco’s advice, we timed the sticking in and sticking out and came up with the little princess nine months later.
Proudly made in Cebu.
posted by Miki at
9:01 AM
5 Comments:
one of a kind ka talaga, kuya miki!!!! your stories me laugh at first... then the next would make me think about the realities of life..
keep it cumming!!!
gharyjohn
lol i could imagine how you endured intriguing stares all over the room.
miki theres a semen analyzer machine that would give sperm count, sperm motility, etc. during my early years of studies, i took this in my microbiology, visual count indeed. If there are microbiologists or laboratory techs here, they know this. sperm is manually counted per square inch if my memory served me right in a high power field. and computed using a mathematical formula. so you dont have to count the whole quantity of collected semen. sperm motility is counted thru the number of sperm travelling successfully across that field.
so this is the initial investigation to assess male fertility. normal volume per ejaculation is more than 3ml, concentration of more than 20million per ml, motility is >60%, and sperm should be normal in forms by i think 60% or more.
sorry for bringing you to the medical parlance but i cant scale down technical terms here. if you still have plans for another pregnancy and bec of your history of oligospermia, you have to prepare along with your wife to abstain from sex for at least 3 days befor sample collection. it is avisable to obtain 2 samples at least 2-3 weeks apart. its alright to collect it at home as long as your container is clean and sample should be kept warm and should be examined within an hour. this is not my line of expertise but still part of int med so my advise is to seek the help of andrologist, endocrinologist or gynaecologist. further investigation can be done if necessary. remember fertility is a couples problem so both partners should be involved in management decisions. i know this can cause emotional stress, including the taking or placing of blame on each other, and a subsequent guilt feelings.
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